And Could He Play!

I haven’t had any time to blog lately, because I am trying to write a 50,000 word novel this month.  My sisters and I do it every year (it’s called National Novel Writing Month, and most people do it in November), and this is going to be my fourth novel.  

Gordon the Vampyre is a character that one of my friends wrote into his novel in the first year, and we all took him and basically turned him into a vampire cape-wearing post-modern douchebag who is obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Before I post the excerpt, I need to post another one, to explain the inside joke amongst my sisters that leads to the inclusion of Taylor Kitsch:

Henry Senior was also particularly known for his magnanimity; the Emma Darcy Foundation, a charity he had launched in the wake of his beloved wife’s death donates money to various organizations in Africa that dispense AIDS drugs. The face of the organization is Taylor Kitsch, most known for his role as sexy bad-boy Tim Riggins in the NBC drama Friday Night Lights. However, his star was continuing to rise into the stratosphere after he had recently been cast in the remake of the 1995 Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen blockbuster smash “It Takes Two,” which is slated for a 2013 release. Kitsch has been cast to play Steve Guttenberg’s former role as Roger Callaway, the single father to Alyssa Callaway, and love interest to Kristie Alley, who would be reprising her role as Diane Barrows with hopes that “the second time’s the charm.” Alley’s star is also currently on the rise following her blistering turn on Dancing With The Stars (DWTS, for those who do not actually watch the show) and her newly minted status as a cougar. Henrik and Daniel Sedin, Swedish hockey-playing twins known for their on-ice switcheroo antics when thrown out of face-offs, had recently signed on to take over Mary-Kate and Ashley’s former roles as identical strangers. The picture is to be directed by Gordon “The Vampyre” Toody, a moody and unconventional director who is most known for his insistence on wearing a vampire cape his the restraining order against him that was taken out by David Boreanaz after he wouldn’t take no for an answer to his invitation to DB to attend his post-modern conference on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Needless to say, this picture was sure to be a hit, and would bring much publicity to the Emma Darcy Foundation.

That provides a little context for this.  But really, I’m posting it for Hi-C.

Oliva shuddered as she came across what was quite possibly he worst book she had ever “read”: “Clinical Social Work Practice in Behavioural Mental Health: A Postmodern Approach to Practice with Adults,” a book that had been required reading for her class on mental illness in English literature. Reading the book may have been one of the most awful experiences of her life, even if the class hadn’t been taught by the famous movie director (of It Takes Two fame) Gordon the Vampyre. Initially she had signed up for the course because it was taught by Gordon; she had been hoping to get some insight into his feud with David Boreanaz. Gordon and David had a falling out when he refused to attend Gordon’s conference on Liminality, Inter-textuality, and (Se)duction: Buffy and Postmodern Global Cultural Meta-Narratives. Although David expressed interest, he had argued that pre/post/spacialities of counter-architectural hyper-contemporaneity (re)commits us to an ambivalent recurrentiality of antisociality/seductivity, one enunciated in a de/gendered-Baudrillardian discourse of granulated subjectivity . Obviously that had pissed Gordon off, and the two had been feuding ironically ever since. The argument reached a fever pitch at the 2010 Celebrity Hockey Tournament for Children’s Cancer Research, where Taylor Kitsch (Gordon’s protégée) threw down with David Boreanaz in Gordon’s defense.